Tuesday, 9 September 2014

Mummy Is Struggling

I'm sorry to use my blog as a place to vent but i am at my wits end. I feel angry and fustrated and can't see a way out.

C's behaviour during this holiday has been pretty awful. Most the time she is such a good little girl so it has come as a bit of a shock to DH and myself. 

Mostly it is just her age. At 2 and a half, C is still learning to control her emotions. Even the simplist of situations can turn into huge dramas. Having DH around this week has also altered the delicate balance of everyday life. C is very much a Daddy's girl at the moment, which is lovely to see, however this week she has taken this to the extreme. I am not allowed to hold her hand, clean her up after meals, take her shoes off, generally go anywhere near her. Everything has to be Daddy otherwise a huge tantrum erupts. Most of the time i am happy to obligue her but sometimes Daddy is busy or it is just not practical. 
We have had many meltdowns this week.

C is also suffering from a slight cold which no doubt giving her a shorter fuse than normal. I am sympathetic. There is nothing worse than feeling under the weather on holiday!

DH is finding all of this difficult and has come to conclusion that her meltdowns are my fault for upsetting her. Being blamed for an already difficult situation is enough to bring me to tears. I am treading a fine line trying to keep everyone is the family happy. Some days i manage that better than others. It is impossible to tell what innocent situation is going to trigger a meltdown from C and although i try my best to avoid them, sometimes they come from nowhere. 

This morning i made the mistake of putting her hair in a ponytail as that kept it away from her runny nose. Huge tantrum from C followed by verbal abuse from DH for triggering said tantrum. 

Yesterday we had a picnic lunch. C was refusing to eat her lunch and wanted B's cereal bar. I explained that her and B's cereal bars were identical except his was smaller. This wasn't good enough for C and again DH was furious with me for "causing" the tantrum instead of letting her have B's lunch.

Most of the time i am quite good at defusing situations with C. Often there are compromises that can be made that don't mean she always gets her own way but also mean i'm not holding my ground unnecessarily. Unfortunately though, there are situations where that is not possible and C has to learn that. I hope that teaching her that is part of being a good mummy.

I am sure C can pick up on DH's lack of support and this is making her play up more. "If i make a fuss because i don't like mummy's decision, Daddy will support me".  The first rule of "Super Nanny" is to co-parent as a joint unit and discuss any issues out of the children's ear shot.

The lack of support and appreciation makes me want to lock myself away and cry.  I really do feel like leaving the 3 of them to it as i am apparently doing such a bad job and see how well they cope on their own. Which way to the spa?


  1. Our first holiday with a toddler and a baby was testing to our relationship to say the least. Daddy's like to have fun and take the easy route not realising that that route will cause much longer lasting problems and issues.

    You're doing an amazing job and I think that if you can you should head off to the spa for a couple of hours and leave them to it, although if you have my luck both children will behave impeccably the whole time you're away!

  2. As a DH of a wife who has left me after many years citing similar reasons to these I beg any other mums in this situation to not just hide and vent on the internet but to seek professional counselling for both of you and some sort of outside help to educate DH. Remember he is also new to parenting and when working away from home all week has had much exposure to parenting than you have