Wednesday, 3 December 2014

Happy Birthday Baby B!

Exactly one year ago today I gave birth to my second child, my beautiful, baby boy!
C was 21 months old which means I became a Mummy of the dreaded "2 under 2".
This past year has been hard, but not as hard as my first year with C.  Mainly I think because I have been in a better place mentally.  I felt able to tackle the (many) challenges head on rather than feeling totally overwhelmed by the situation.

Juggling my time between 2 children has been the hardest part.  There is no doubt in my mind that despite my best efforts, C has lost out this year.  Deep down I feel incredibly guilty that I haven't been able to give her the time she needed every day; guilty that I have been short tempered and tired when she has wanted to play.  I hope however, I have given her something equally important in the long term... a brother, a play mate, a best friend.
They are just beginning to start to play together and I hope this is the start of a wonderful journey for both of them.  Yes there will be arguments, plenty of them, but I hope the good times outweigh the bad as they step out into the world together.

I had B weighed last week... 25lbs 10oz!  At birth he weighed 9lbs 10oz and has consistantly tracked above the 91st percentile since then.  Like C he was exclusively breastfed for the first 6 months and although now fully weaned, he is still breastfed before bed.  I am proud that I have managed to successfully breastfeed both of my children for their first year. 

B is now happily toddling around the house... and everywhere else I dare to let him go!  Keen to get on the move from the start, he crawled at just turned 7 months, was cruising before he was 8 months, and was walking at 10 months.  It really does not seem he was a little baby for very long at all!

He is more mischievious than C was... the upshot of being a boy I suspect, and having an older sister to learn the mishief from.  Most of the time he is a sunny and smily, if a tad on the clingy side.

This milestone post also marks a turning point for me.
I am going to wind down my blog.
I initially started writing to help me through a stressful pregnancy and the difficult early days with C.
Going from infertility to pregnancy with PCOS, to premature birth, to a high need baby with various medical problems really took its toll.
Writing about my difficulties proved a form of therapy in light of feeling I could not talk to people in real life.
I also wrote to provide reassurance and support to others battling similar situations.
Things are much better now and I don't feel I need that therapy anymore.
I have never been particularly fond of writing and have no interest in writing without a purpose, in fact I find finding the time to write stressful, which is completely at odds with its original objective.   .
On top of all of this I have always strived to keep myself annoymous.  This is because I have not felt comfortable discussing any my difficulties with anyone in real life.  I find many quick to judge and even quicker to gossip.  It is only a matter of time before I am found out, particularly as Instagram keeps insisting on linking to my personal Facebook profile at random intervals, despite me setting it not too!
It is time to stop.

To reach this point I feel liberated!  Like I have emerged from a 3 year fog.  A combination of C growing up, B being an easier baby and me finally losing the baby weight means I feel I have almost found myself again.
I no longer go to bed dreading tomorrow.
I take pride in my appearance again and I am enjoying spending time with my children.
It is only when you come out the other side you realise what a dark place you were in!

You will still find me on Twitter, Instagram and Pinterest A LOT!
There will just be no long-winded prose from me from now on.

Thank you all for reading and contributing over the past 3 years.  You've kept me sane!