Not a Good Day

Today is not turning out to be a good day.
The culmination of a week of no sleep due to baby B still being really congested from his cold last week is taking its toll.
I am exhausted.
I have no energy for parenting.
I am being a rubbish mummy.

A Day in My Life with Two Under Two

Our day began at 7am.  Baby B had been unsettled since 4:30 but didn't wake for feed until 6:45.  C had been stirring since 6:30 but was happy talking to her cuddly toys until I went in for her.

Today was the start of my second day this week looking after both my children on my own, and the only day we didn't have anything pre-planned.  It is also possibly the last day I will be looking after 2 children under 2 on my own as C turns 2 next week.  At which point everything gets miraculously easier right?

Advice Wanted: Being a Mummy of Two

I am finding being a Mummy of 2 hard going.
I did not expect it to be any other way.
I am beginning to understand where the problems lie.
I do not however know how to solve them.

Transitions to a big bed

Tonight I fall asleep worrying about both my babies.

Baby B has a cold and is having trouble breathing. I am so glad he is in a room with us still so I can keep an eye on him... all night if necessary.

C is sleeping tonight for the first time without a sleeping bag since she was a newborn. Last winter I let her sleep with a blanket and a sleeping bag but since the death of Edspire's daughter Matilda Mae from SIDS almost a year ago, I have restricted C to a sleeping bag only.

Depression, Anxiety and the Power of Writing

This post was sparked by a tweet earlier in the week by the PSS Postnatal Depression Project on how talking about your feelings can really help you understand the origins of your post natal depression or anxiety.  From my own personal viewpoint, I agree with this statement wholeheartedly.  In my darkest hours since C was born I could have quite easily have gone to the Doctors and been put on medication however I knew that it was being able to talk to someone that really made me feel better, and that things would only really improve if I was able to get to the root of the problem and fix it.

18 months old

 

My beautiful daughter is 18 months old today!

Another milestone in her little life.

Post Natal Exercise

Following on from yesterday's post on eating well when you have a newborn, today's post is about exercise when you have a baby (or a toddler for that matter).

Before I fell pregnant with C I worked out that exercise was the key to me staying reasonably slim.  For me personally, as long as I exercised regularly, then I could pretty much eat what I wanted (in moderation).  It was swimming that really helped keep me in shape.  I have been a strong swimmer since childhood and have found half an hour speed swimming twice a week could do me wonders.

After C's birth I wanted to get back into exercising as soon as possible before I lost momentum but waited until after the 6 week check to be given the all clear by the doctor (waste of time in my opinion).  I then ran in to a problem.  First I tried exercising in the evening (my original exercising time) but found I was too tired after a day of looking after a baby on my own.  I then switched to trying to exercise first thing in the morning when I was most awake.  This worked great for the exercise but meant I was too exhausted for the rest of the day to effectively parent C.  I needed sleep!

Nearly 18 months later and the same problem is still an issue.  How does anyone have the energy to exercise and look after a child full time?  I seriously would like to hear all sensible suggestions or your own experiences!!!

Knowledge is Power

Today the British Medical Journal published a new analysis of data from five previous studies which found that sharing a bed with your baby increases the risk of sudden infant death syndrome.

The results have understandably provoked a passionate response from many on both sides on the co-sleeping fence.  Many Mother’s feel that their parenting choices are being invaded, and that more specific research is required before scaring Mothers with statements like these.

I don't want to comment specifically on this article as I have not read it in full.  I instead want to tackle the wider issue of when parental guidance becomes dictated rather than purely informative.

In the not so distant past, a mother's instinct was something that was admired.  No-one knew what was better for a child more than that child's mother.  Now there seems to be a trend towards dismissing an individual mother's opinion in lieu of medical statistics.  The needs of an individual child are overlooked in favour of generic guidelines.  A mother who makes her own decision is deemed irresponsible and is frowned upon.

This has already had the effect of mothers losing confidence in their own decisions.  I include myself in this.  My own Mother finds it highly amusing that I am unable to run my daughter a bath without checking the bath temperature with a digital thermometer, instead of trusting my own judgement about whether it is the correct temperature.   Along similar lines, if I am away from home and forget C’s room thermometer, I feel I don’t know what to dress her in at night.   If it’s 20.1’c then I know she needs a short sleeve vest, long sleeve sleepsuit and a 1.5 tog sleeping bag, yet at 21.3’c I know she needs just the sleepsuit and sleeping bag, no vest.  Without this information I feel lost.  I should have the confidence to be able to make these kind of decisions on my own!

Instead of being frowned upon, a Mother’s instinct should be embraced and used alongside medical knowledge to provide the safest environment possible for our children.  Where a child’s health is at risk, it is vitally important that medical research is continually carried out and widely circulated to help Mothers and Fathers provide the best care for their children.  The studies carried out into SIDS in the 1990s have proved invaluable in reducing the number of cot deaths in this country and further afield.  

What concerns many is the research often appears generalised and provides dumbed down advice to parents without giving them all the facts.  For example, it is simpler to tell parents not to bedshare at all rather than go through the more complicated process of explaining what variables have been taken into account in the research and more importantly which have not.  What seems to have been overlooked is giving parents the full picture allows them to make informed decisions. After all knowledge is power!  

Going one step further, there have been instances recently where decisions have been taken out of the parents hands completely.  It is my understanding all retailers selling amber teething necklaces within the UK were contacted by Trading Standards last year and asked to remove them from sale due to the potential safety of the necklaces and the questionable health benefits.  These items have been used for hundreds of years and many Mothers swear by the health benefits, yet apparently now Mothers are incapable of making their own decision on this matter.  Now I am not a particular advocate of this particular item however it frustrates me that it should not be down to the individual mother to decide whether or not to use them. 

As a parent we have to live with the choices we make therefore it is important we feel comfortable with them and not pressurised into doing something that does not feel right! As a nation we should be empowering Mothers with the knowledge and confidence to make the best decisions possible for our children; not dismissing our opinion.  It may be hard for some to accept but in some cases a Mother really can know best!

How to Cope with Pregnancy and a Toddler?

I am now 11 weeks pregnant with my second child and C is 14 months old.  Today has been a tough day.  Partially self-inflicted I feel, as I made the mistake of going to my usual baby friendly fitness class on a Tuesday morning which exhausted me before the day even started.  

Things started to go wrong after C woke from her lunchtime nap. Having used her nap to eat my lunch and grab a shower, in an ideal world I was about ready for a siesta, while C of course was refreshed and raring to go.  She is currently going through the rather testing toddler phase of wanting everything repeated. I find this hard work when I’m at my best so this afternoon it was more than I could deal with.  First of all she wanted to sit on the sofa, then she wanted to be on the floor, then she wanted to be back on the sofa again. Obviously each time required me to lift her on and off. After the third or fourth time I distracted her by offering to read a book.  She then wanted it read again, and again. After the second time I refused which of course resulted in a full on meltdown. Argh!!!!!!!!!! And so things went on for the rest of the afternoon. I was so short tempered with her. Too exhausted to play and engage.

I felt so guilty about today that I just hugged C at bedtime and cried. I am being a bad Mummy. She is just being a typical toddler. Maybe tomorrow will be better…. Something tells me it probably won’t though.

I knew having another baby would be tough, both before and after he/she arrived but I just told myself thousands of women are currently going through the same thing and are coping and millions of women have done it before me.   Hubby is currently away 3-4 days a week and I am just constantly exhausted at the moment.  If he was here he would have given me a 10 minute break to compose myself by taking C into the garden to see the chickens or upstairs so she could bounce around on the bed.  But he's not. It's just C and I, muddling our way through the world. Me and my precious little girl who I feel I am failing.