Advice Wanted: Being a Mummy of Two

I am finding being a Mummy of 2 hard going.
I did not expect it to be any other way.
I am beginning to understand where the problems lie.
I do not however know how to solve them.

39 Weeks - Fear and Anxiety

I went to bed on Sunday night with the feeling I might be coming down with a cold.  I therefore was not surprised on Monday morning when I woke at 5am with a sore throat and unable to breathe.  Not what I needed when I could go into labour anytime!

The combination of being heavily pregnant, being ill and looking after a toddler is gruelling.  I am ashamed to say Monday and Tuesday were spend mostly sat on the sofa watching DVDs.  I tried to make in slightly more interactive by sitting with our Thomas book while watching Thomas the Tank Engine, finding and pointing out the various characters as they appeared on the screen.

Feeling ill has not really helped my anxiety levels. I am worried about the next few weeks. I am worried that having come all this way something could still happen to blue bump and I won't get to take him home. If I do get to take him home, I am worried how I am going to cope with a newborn again, let alone a mum of 2!  I am also worried about going through labour with a supposedly large baby and about going overdue and not being allowed my water birth.

Part of me wants the next few weeks over and done with so i can stop worrying about them. Part of me wants to bury my head in the sand and hope they never arrive. 

Stupid? Maybe

Real? Very

Pre-Natal Anxiety - Coping With Being a Mummy of 2

I am getting increasingly anxious about blue bumps arrival.
Only 7/8 weeks to go officially.... or as little as 3 if C is anything to go by!
At 32 weeks pregnant I am starting to find days at home with a young toddler a challenge.
The fault is not hers, I am just not as mobile as I want to be and I tire easily.
Getting out of my seat to help her with a task takes effort.
Sitting on the floor to play is uncomfortable.
Simple tasks like preparing meals and washing clothes are exhausting
and keeping my eyes open past 2pm is a struggle.
I find myself hoping the last few weeks of this pregnancy pass quickly...
...but then I think about the new challenges that will bring and I am terrified.

Depression, Anxiety and the Power of Writing

This post was sparked by a tweet earlier in the week by the PSS Postnatal Depression Project on how talking about your feelings can really help you understand the origins of your post natal depression or anxiety.  From my own personal viewpoint, I agree with this statement wholeheartedly.  In my darkest hours since C was born I could have quite easily have gone to the Doctors and been put on medication however I knew that it was being able to talk to someone that really made me feel better, and that things would only really improve if I was able to get to the root of the problem and fix it.

How to survive the 12 week wait

Ok, so it is not really a 12 week wait as the first 2 weeks of that you weren’t pregnant and the second 2 you did not know you were pregnant. It’s actually only an 8 week wait. But still… that’s long enough! Almost 2 months!

In the UK as standard, you get your first scan at 12/13 weeks of pregnancy.  Before that the only indisputable indication that you are pregnant is a positive home pregnancy test.  Betas and early scans are not given out on the NHS as standard although can be requested privately.

The wait until the 12 week scan can be nerve wracking and stressful, especially if you have suffered from infertility or a previous miscarriage.  You can find yourself overanalysing every possible symptom or lack of them.  I have therefore put together a 12 week wait survival guide of reassuring facts and tips to try and help you through those early weeks…

1. Try to keep busy. The more time you spend dwelling (or Googling), the more anxious you will end up making yourself.
2. Symptoms come and go. It is perfectly normal for some days for you feel less nauseous than others, or for your breasts to be less tender. It does not necessarily mean there is a problem. Look at your symptoms over a weekly basis rather than a day by day basis.
3. Stay away from online pregnancy forums. It is a known fact that most people who post on forums, do so because they have a problem and are looking for advice. People rarely post to say how well their pregnancy is going or that they have had a healthy birth.  They therefore often paint a very bleak picture of pregnancy.
4. The odds are in your favour. Although the fact 20% of pregnancies end in miscarriage is a worrying statistic, it also means that 80% of pregnancies do not!  The odds are lower the further along in your pregnancy you are and younger you are.  https://sites.google.com/site/miscarriageresearch/miscarriage-general
5. Talk to close friends and family. At this early stage in pregnancy you may want to keep your news quiet for as long as possible. You do not however need to suffer in silence.  Confide in a few close friends and/or family.  They will be able to help and reassure you, and hopefully take your mind off things!
6. If all else fails, do not be afraid to book an early scan privately.  In the UK most cost between £90 and £100.  This is supposed to be an enjoyable time and it will help to ease your anxieties.

Good Luck!

13-19 Weeks Pregnant

Another black hole period where I was left to my own paranoia.
To help I bought myself a doppler (fetal heartrate monitor) which, although took me a little bit of time to perfect, proved so reassuring!!!
At 16 weeks I had a midwife's appointment. This was a bit of a non event. They check baby's heartbeat (which I obviously knew was ok) and went through my blood results from the NT scan. All the standard bloods were fine however they have managed to lose my crucial NT blood results therefore could not give me my Downs risk ratio.  I consoled myself with the reassurance that the lab would have rung me if there was an issue.
I asked about getting a flu jab as was under the impression this was to be given to all pregnant women. The response I got back was surprising. Instead of saying it was a good idea, the midwife instead suggested I went away and did my own research on the internet first.
This was obviously a stupid suggestion as within 5 minutes on the internet when I can home I found loads of information linking the vacination to miscarriage and stillbirth.  I now felt out in an impossible position. Did I risk the baby by not having the flu jab or did I risk the baby by having the flu jab?????
Some reassuring words from my twitter followers encouraged my to get it done, however I waited until I was 19 weeks so that I would be reassured at my 20 week scan that all was ok.

13 Weeks Pregnant

19th September 2011

The wait between my 10 week and 13 week scans was definately easier. Yes I was still paranoid but there was a little voice of reality inside reminding me that the chances of something going wrong now were statistically much less.
I was therefore able to lie back and enjoy this scan a lot more.  Baby definately looked like a baby now and was very active, darting all over the screen. Looking at him/her then I was convinced it was a boy. No girl could possibly want to be that active I told myself.
The sonographer took dating measurements, which tied in about right, and measured baby's nuchal fold which was 1.4mm.
I then went and had the supporting bloods taken and was told we would hear the results in a couple of weeks, sooner if there was an obvious problem.
Again I left reassured that maybe, just maybe, this might all have a positive ending.

10 Week Scan

2nd September 2011

The fertility clinic were running about an hour late and the wait to go in for the scan was excruciating!
Hubby was with me and seemed to be coping with the whole thing a lot better. He was much more confident that everything was going to be ok.
When I finally went in for the scan I couldn't see the screen so I was trying to read the consultants face for an indication of what he could see. He was impossible to read (obviously well trained in such situations).
Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, he said "well, you have a very active baby in there, i'm having trouble keeping him/her on the screen".
I will never forget that moment, the rush of relief that there was really something there and that it appeared be be ok!
We were given a blurry photo to take away and told that that the clinic did not need to see us again.
We would be handed over to normal NHS care and would get another scan at 12 weeks.

6-10 Weeks Pregnant

August 2011

Officially the most stressful 4 weeks of my life.
The initial euphoria of finding out I was pregnant and the joy of seeing that 6 week heartbeat on screen decended into a terrifying wait to see what would happen.
Every morning and at regular intervals throughout the day I would prod my boobs to see if they were still sore.
Some days the symptoms were milder, sometime barely there at all, sending me into a paranoid frenzy.
The chemical pregnancy of the year before still weighed heavily on my mind. I had woken up one morning and my symptoms were gone. I knew something was wrong and a pregnancy test that morning proved me right. I knew in the blink of an eye things could change and that lack of control scared me to death.
The Metformin and progesterone pessaries provided me with some reassurance that my body was getting some support to do what it was supposed to be doing!
I was due a scan at my feritility clinic at 10wk5d and as the likelyhood of miscarriage lessoned as time went on, my fear of arriving at the scan to find I had had a missed miscarriage only increased. In my eyes this pregnancy was too good to be true, something was obviously going to go wrong, it was just a matter of when.

The Day We Found Out We Were Pregnant

5th August 2011


Hubby and I arrived at the fertility clinic to discuss our second attempt at frozen embryo transfer (FET).
Our first attempt in the Spring had been abandoned due to the lining of my womb considered not thick enough to support implantation of the embryo.
I was fustrated at the lack of progress and my bodies reluctance to do what it was supposed to be doing. Even my "period" the week before had been a little odd. I usually bleed for about 3-4 days but this time I had bled for a day, stopped, then bled again for a day before finally stopping.
Now at this point I must admit it had vauely crossed my mind that I could be pregnant. My boobs were surprisingly still sore and I had been extremely tired for the past couple of days. I had however pushed the thought to the back of my mind as it "was not possible".
The consultant decided to scan me to see what was going on.
"Prepare yourselves for a shock" he said.
At this point I expected him to say I was pregnant but had miscarried.
"You are pregnant" he said "and I can see a healthy heartbeat".
A huge range of emotions flooded me.
Yes joy... but also fear. The chances of this natural pregnancy resulting in a sucessful baby were slim, we had been told that before.
A consultant was really helpful and positive though. He gave me instructions to continue taking metformin and prescribed me progesterone pessaries to take as well to hopefully stop the bleeding.  He would scan me again at 10/11 weeks.