Sunday, 2 March 2014

A Family Complete

Last week we got a letter in the post from our Fertility Clinic asking us if we wanted to continue to keep our three frozen embryos.  These embryos were collected in January 2011 after our first ICSI cycle when we were under the impression that we were unable to conceive any children naturally.  This ICSI cycle was unsuccessful and the following frozen embryo transfer was cancelled.  We subsequently we went on to conceive C naturally in July 2011 and then baby B in March 2012.

This is where we are now.
With 2 beautiful naturally conceived children.  I always hoped that our family would have at least 2 children.  I think having a sibling is important.
Is our family now complete? Are we likely to try for any more children? And are we likely to be luckily enough to conceive naturally again if we did?

I think it may be complete.  Not because we have been lucky enough to have and boy and a girl like many assume, but just because it feels right.  Another child, although welcomed if it did happen, would mean we would seriously need to consider a bigger house, a bigger car, and other logistical changes.  Aside from that, I found being pregnant with a toddler hard going.  The morning sickness and tiredness took their toll and I feel I wasn't able to enjoy some of the most important months of C's life.  This would not be any easier third time around.

I was lucky to have an amazing birth second time around, and no post natal complications.  Something tells me that I should quit while I am ahead.  Next time I may not be so lucky.  I may not have a successful pregnancy and that would be emotionally difficult.  I may not have as easy a birth and therefore the recovery may be longer.  Having a newborn in the house is tough, especially with other children to look after.  I need to think of my current children and their needs.  How would they be affected by another child in the house.  It would tip the balance of the house one way or the other.  The house would naturally become a more boy house or more girl house and that may unwittingly affect the types of activities we undertake as a family.

I should clarify that that does not mean a third child would be unwelcome, we may decide we want to try for one in the future, but it would be a bonus.  I don't think we would prioritise our finances towards further fertility treatment going forward when that money could be better spent enjoying our current family.  A third child would only happen if conceived naturally.  We therefore have come to the difficult decision not to continue to keep those embryos.  Our clinic does not carry out any donor embryo procedures therefore there would be no option to donate them.  Part of me does feel this to be a waste and we have done a lot of soul searching before making this decision but we both feel this is the right decision for our family.

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