Wednesday, 15 May 2013

Why I am here

I felt compelled to write this, both after my blog post yesterday, and after a discussion on twitter this morning about how easy it is to offend people when you’re moaning about your life.  I was wanting to clarify (or maybe justify) why I am here.

In real life I am quiet, shy and unassuming. In the past I have surrounded myself with 2 or 3 really close friends rather than a number if acquaintances.  Unfortunately since university we have all got married, started families of our own and drifted apart.  Since C was born I have met lots of lovely new acquaintances but as yet do not really have any close friends. My soul mate and partner in crime is my husband. We do everything together, however sometimes I find him difficult to talk to, especially about issues close to home or things I feel he does not understand.  I do not feel there is anyone else in my life I can talk to about problems, no-one I trust not to judge me or gossip.  And people DO!  I see it all the time.  

Early on in my first pregnancy I took to twitter to share my fears and anxieties and to look for support.  I kept my account anonymous so that no-one I knew could find and read my tweets.  This allowed me to feel free to express how I was feeling. However, there is only one side of me on twitter, the side that doesn’t exist well in real life and therefore should not be taken as a true reflection of my personality.

If I am having a bad day I might try and talk to my husband if he is around, however frequently at the moment he is away.  Failing that I turn to twitter.  There really is no-one else.  If I say I am having a bad day, then please do not think that does not mean I do not appreciate what I have.  It is presumptuous to think that I have just forgotten my infertility journey.  Every day I count my lucky stars that I am where I am, but that does not make every day a bed of roses or that I am an ungrateful person for finding those days hard.  

I learnt early on that the best way to make myself feel better and move on was to talk.  Failing having no-one within earshot, I “talk” on twitter or on my blog, and get things out of my system.  If things that I write offend you then please do not follow me!  I need to be able to have this release for my own sanity.  I am not here to please an audience.  That was never why I joined twitter.

I also try and give back, offering advice and reassurance to others going through stressful pregnancies or with a similar medical background.  Twitter is great for that and I love the community that I have become part of.  I really really appreciate all the support I have had on here over the past (almost 2 years), some of you I feel I have become particularly close to.  

I am sure people on here have assumptions on the kind of person I am from what I have written in the past.  I am sure I would be guilty of the same in reverse.  The difference here is, it doesn’t matter, or probably more correctly, it matters less.  I care about how my friends, acquaintances and family see me.  Maybe even overly self-conscious about it.  I care less about what people think on here because I know they are not seeing the full picture, just the anonymous ramblings of a tired mum, out of context of reality.


  1. I do not have many close friends either, we should go for that dinner x

    1. When you're ready Jennie... I don't want to push you. Also I am aware that, having a young toddler and being pregnant, some days I will be the last person you will want to spend time with x